I sometimes hate having so many food allergies. Today I almost took a bite out of Joe's banana. But just smelling it gave me that feeling I got when I eat bananas (itchy throat and mouth). I wish I could eat wheat/gluten. Not only would I have more varieties in food like really moist chocolate cake, tasty crackers, and other baked goods, but it would be cheaper. Buying good gluten free bread is expensive. A loaf of the bread I like is 6 dollars. I'd do the 2 dollar ones but it tastes like cardboard or styrofoam and doesn't hold a good sandwich very well.

And then, if I weren't allergic to dairy I could get a good cake frosting. I could also eat normal cheese. Goat cheese is good, but that's expensive and I still can't eat too much of it. If I weren't allergic to soy I could have tofu. I miss tofu, it's good. Although I don't miss soy milk. I've decided that Almond and Coconut milk taste much better. Rice milk is just blah after coconut and almond milk. Also, if I would be able to eat more products because soy is in everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I read every label twice just to make sure I didn't miss it like I have with some products.

That's it with the complaint. Someday I will be able to eat whatever I want (if not on this earth, in Heaven) and I will be looking forward to that. I really want to try some good noodle dishes.

In light of Thanksgiving, I figured I'd share a few of the things I am thankful for!
1. My family!
2. Being able to stay at home with Evan. Things may be a bit tight, but I wouldn't change that for anything.
3. Having a warm place to stay.
4. Nap time, gotta love nap time.
5. Knowing that Joe will always be here for me and that he will help if I ask.
6. Food, especially since things can be tight.
7. Having a washer and dryer, that makes things so nice.
8. Being able to write

There are so many other things I'm thankful for, but those are the things at the top of my head!

Ok, bare with me during this vent. This is directed at all those dads that work all week long but don't get how hard a mom works. I don't care if you work hard, I work hard too. In fact, I work 24 hours 7 days a week. 24/7. I repeat 24/7 do you get it yet? I work all day all night, even when the babies sleeping I work. I clean the house, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and if I ask you to clean the bathroom it's because I want help. If I ask you to watch the baby 2 hours on a weekend so I can get a break it's because I'm tired and I don't get weekends or nights or evenings. I get tired, I want a break. I'm not here to dispute who works harder because I will fully admit your job is demanding and you get tired too, but for goodness sakes, help out around the house.

Sure I may get an hour during the day in which I refuse to do any cleaning, but really, do you think that's a full break? It's not. You come home, you sit in front of the computer or tv for more than an hour. That's a luxury for me. So help, ok?

Just a side note, we've talked about this repeatedly but I still feel he doesn't fully grasp it and I doubt any husband/father/boyfriend really does.

I miss writing. I have been so busy lately that I don't have much time to write. Or when I do have free time I'm unmotivated and don't want to write and would rather nap, read, or surf the internet. Although I have to admit surfing the internet can get boring really fast. But I don't have the energy for writing half the time.

Lately though the urge is growing stronger and I'm getting that writers itch again. I think back to the story I haven't written in since I was in my second trimester and I already know what I need to edit away and an exciting plot. Then there's the second book to Eternity floating about in my head and I have an exciting idea for it, but I don't know how to get to that part just yet. I bet I'll be writing in weird segments and then have to connect them in the end for that series.

Either way, I really want to write again and I NEED to make time for it during the day. I just hope that once I start I don't get so into it that I get mad when Evan wakes from a nap.

I can't believe Evan is 4 months as of today (really the 11th, but it's almost the 11th to me).  He's just growing so fast.  He's already growing a little out of his 6 month clothing!  He's changing almost every day too.  Like just recently he started holding toys more often and moving them to his mouth.  He's also really trying to crawl, sit, and loves to be held up to stand so he can bounce or try to walk.  I'm already anticipating the fun of introducing solids!  I know I will get spit back on and that he may not always like it, but it's going to be a fun time in his life!  I plan on making most of his food and only occasionally using the ones in store.  

Since he's going to keep me really busy I've decided to wait until he's over a year to try for another.  I can just tell by how he is that he's going to be one active little boy.  Especially when he's fighting naps because he tries to crawl away while on me!  It's adorable but really frustrating. Teething has gotten a little better since we made him an Amber teething necklace.  In fact, I'd say it an amazing change.  He still chews on his fist a lot and other things, but he's no longer fussy all day.  I was really skeptical, but I've become a believer.  They really do work. 

His cloth diapers still work really really well, they just take forever to dry.  I admit, I do have a prefold curiosity still.  I look at the Green Mountain Diaper ones and still contemplate buying them.  But since he's so wiggly I think they'd be hard to put on.  As it is, the gro babies and even disposables are hard to put on sometimes.  I love the velcro because I can redo it if I need to.  I do want to get some snap shells though because velcro can wear out fast.  While traveling we've been using pampers and he broke out in an eczema rash.  I was really surprised, apparently he has a sensitive bottom.  We used diaper cream though and it got better, I just have to layer his butt with it.  I'll have to either use cloth the next time or buy the expensive Huggies Sensitive. 

I ordered some Crunchy Clean diaper detergent and can't wait to use it.  I've been using Arm and Hammer sensitive and I had to do a whole extra wash cycle just to get them fully rinsed.  Even then I occasionally had to add an extra rinse after that.  I made sure the wash was clean too, but it was just the detergent.  The Crunchy Clean company statest that you won't even have to do an extra rinse, but we'll see.  I got the Tulip scent though!   The laundry room will smell really good and the diapers, when fully clean, won't smell at all!  It will be a good way to know if they are fully rinsed.  I think it was the Arm and Hammer that wasn't fully rinsing that caused his mild rash.  Once I added the extra wash cycle his rash sent away.

As for things I absolutely adore (I adore all of him, but these pop into my mind):  His cooing and talking in sleep, the way his ears look like they stick out when he smiles all big, the way his head rests on my shoulder when he's tired, the new sounds he finds he can do every day (currently it's a fake cough), how he wiggles closer and closer to me at night (although that can be annoying too), his curiousity of the world, and his cheerfulness.  I could go on and on though.  Most of all though, I love him more than I could have ever imagined.  I can barely remember how my life was before him.  I vaguely remember having spare time, but I don't know what I'd do with it now and I can do without that time.  I'd rather be spending it with Evan.  I do admit that I want a little bit of time for myself, but I don't want as much as I had before.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share my amazement with him!

When I found out I was pregnant, even before I was pregnant, I always thought about what I would do when they were ready for school.  When I thought of sending them off to whatever school they went to I wondered if they would have the problems I had.  I know Joe didn't have many problems and that he skipped a grade, then had to option to skip another but didn't.  But I had problems.  I have ADHD and that led me to being bored in many classes along with being very distractable.  On top of that I had difficulties with math.  I never got beyond Algebra in school.  When I finally got to geometry it was an independent study class during the summer with a tutor that was perplexed by a lot of my questions.  While it was never officially diagnosed, I do believe I have a very mild form of Dyslexia because I still, to this day, get my left and right confused.  In fact, I didn't learn the difference between the 2 until middle school.  I repetedly got d and b confused and forgot which way the d went in my name multiple times.  I also found myself forgetting which way certain letter faced.  It's gotten better as I've gotten older though.  While I was held back in first grade for being so behind in math and reading (the teacher never told my parents about this), I scored so high on the CAT tests when we moved to California that I was skipped to 7th grade.  If you try to get me to talk about Middle School, you will most likely reach a block that doesn't go much further than me stating that I was bullied and that middle school in California is no place for a naive person.  After that  would be a statement on how it was rumored our science teacher spiked his coffee and once had an angry outburst in one of his classes.  In all honesty, I hated Middle School and really don't like to think about it.

Grant it, while much of my educational history is full of boredom and a bit of anger, there were parts I enjoyed.  I loved recess and music when in elementary school.  Art was occasionally fun when we didn't have a project that was full of instructions.  When I was in private school for 11th and 12th grade I really enjoyed it.  At MBA our English teacher and Histore teacher were awesome.  Although I really didn't like our math teacher.  I had a lot of fun with my friends too.  At LLA I liked our art teacher and even though Mrs. Deitrich (college prep class) taught with fear, I learned a lot.  Although it was amazing if someone got a B and one of our students lost a 4 year scholarship to college because of her.  It wasn't uncommon to see someone crying because of her.  College was awesome!  No need to expand on that.  But grad school was a bore.  The only good teacher with Mrs. Simpson.  I rarely listened in the other classes and usually just played games on my computer or started a paper that needed to be done. 

So what's this all leading up to?  Since we can't really afford a private school, I'm considering homeschool Evan and our future kids.  There are homeschool co-ops in pretty much every town.  That is where all the parents of homeschooled kids get together for weekly classes and activities.  The parents volunteer to teach a class and then a group of kids will learn from them.  I was looking at the Syracuse (an hour from here) co-op and some of the classes being taught included Science, History, Art, and even Yoga!  I doubt we'll be here still when he starts school, but I'm sure I'll find co-ops where ever I go.  Now this may not be permanent.  Maybe we'll find a really god school, or he'll decide he wants to go to one.  Or when he's in high school he'll want to take classes at the community college.  Once he starts college thought, he'll go off to a good college.   Joe and I talked about it and he also agreed it would be a good idea.  

So yeah, those are my thoughts!

1.  New York apparently has the Blue laws.  That means most stores that follow the law will not open until 11:00.  Luckily when I got to the mall it was 5 till 11.

2.  Raz Baby Teether pacifiers are apparently not sold in Watertown or probably any near by towns for that matter.  If I want one I will have to wait till California or order it.  Oddly enough, they sell the non teether pacifiers of that same brand.

3.  When tired, it is best to take a nap.

4.  The universe was against me finding 9-12 size overalls for Evan.  He's a weed and is almost outgrown from his 3-6 overalls.  I did get a pair of Osh Kosh jean overalls though in 6-9.  I would have gotten a second pair, but they only had 1 pair.

5.  Bubble baths are the best!

6.  A nice walk with Evan and Joe will make the day even better.

7.  It's best to talk about what's going on instead of keeping it in. 

Evan is turning out to have a dramatic flair to him.  Lately, these past couple days when he gets hungry and doesn't get it RIGHT now he will holler and scream and even when I have the bottle in a minute or so he will scream and scream and not take the bottle.  I'll try calming him down, but no he's hungry and wants the bottle RIGHT now only he doesn't realize it's right in front him or even in his mouth.  When he finally takes it he's tired and won't finish it because he's ready for a nap.  I'm laughing as I type this, but very annoyed with him.  He does better when I switch it to his Dr. Browns bottles, so for now we are back with Dr. Browns bottles.  I really don't get it.  Perhaps I need a faster flowing nipple?  But they both go at the same rate.  I've tested it.  I really don't get it.  But what Evan wants right now he gets, especially when it comes down to eating.  He's only 3 months.  If he won't eat from the playtex dropins when he's hungry and just screams because he's hungry I will switch bottles if I need to.  Maybe I should look into faster nipples though...I don't know.

I think he's also growing again.  He's been sleepier than usual, and clingy as ever.  He's gnawing on his hand on both sides of his mouth now, it use to only be the left side.  He will sleep good every other night or so, then have a night of frequent wakings and fussiness.  Like last night.  He woke at 1 for a bit, then again at 5:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep.  Until about 7.  I followed along and slept for a bit. 

Otherwise not much else.  He's just Evan really.  Next week on Sunday I fly out to California for my cousins wedding.  We'll be out there for 2 weeks and fly back on the 14th.  Flights from across the states take forever.  I'm not looking forward to the long day.   Luckily I have my new baby carrier so that part will be much more comfortable.  I do plan on putting him in the stroller as well, but the carrier will work when he's at the "hold me now" point.  Such a demanding baby...LOL!  

I decided to see how it would go if I put him in the crib to sleep at night.  I decided to do this because this morning when my hubbys alarm clock went off at 6:40 Evan woke up wide awake and would not go back to sleep.  So maybe if he sleeps in his own room I'll get to sleep in a little longer.  I'm a little sad about that because I really liked co-sleeping.  But there is a time for everything and I think it will work out.

My thyroid levels are back down again.  I took my morning body temperature and it was 97.3 yesterday and now today 97.0.  That would explain why I'm so tired all the time now.  Luckily I have an appointment with my doctor on the 10th of November.  In some ways it feels way too far off, but I won't be able to raise my medication dose until then.  I'll survive though, I lived with hypothyroid for sometime before it was caught.

I've been really lonely out here.  I miss all my friends and being able to get a break from Evan now and again.  In some ways I can't wait to be back in So Cal because I have friends and my family.  Here I have Joe, which I do love (obviously) and I know that if he didn't work such long hours I wouldn't be lonely, but he does.  I love the weekends though!  If everyday were like the weekends or yesterday (he got home and 5:30 yesterday!) it would all be good.  Although, if I had my car I'd certainly be able to get out and about more.  That would be ideal and I wouldn't be as lonely.  I could go to story time at the library with Evan and look for play groups in the area.  I've heard the base has some.  But unfortunately my wonderful and oh so missed car is in So Cal.  It won't be coming out either because I'm going back to So Cal in February after Joe deploys in January.  I do take walks around the neighborhood and that does really help.  But my carrier for Evan is getting too stretched with him in it and he's not a big stroller fan.  I plan on getting a new baby carrier really soon though. 

Otherwise, not much else is going on.  I currently have decided not to switch Evan to a different formula.  This one is good and I really don't want to go through more "will it work" trials with him.  He is indeed teething.  I felt a tooth off to the left side of his mouth.  He's drooling more as the week progresses and woke up from one nap crying and then sat there chewing on my finger when I gave it to him.  Poor guy, luckily it's just one tooth for now.  I'd give him cold cloths, but when I do he gets really mad.  So I'll be getting some Highlands Teething Tablets and children's Motrin.  I also want to get a Razaberry pacifier because he loves his pacifier and it's very chewable and textured. 

That's it for now!

I called WIC and they don't provide Similac Sensitive because they don't have a contract with Similac.  I mentioned that in California they provide whatever a doctor prescribes and the lady just said that it was New York and it's different here (very true on that).  She suggested Soy formula and I said I have a major allergy to that and don't want it triggered in him.  She then mentioned getting a prescription for Enfamil Nutramigen.  That formual is a special allergy free formula that from what I've heard stinks big time. 

So, what you do think?  It would be free, but I'm not sure I want to switch him again.  Sure it's an allergy free formula, but seriously is it worth it?  Personally I think no, but Joe is semi interested but doesn't really care.

I swear, for the next baby I'm going to start taking Mothers Milk Tea capsuls and whatever else will increase breastmilk supply the moment I'm pregnant and well after they baby is born to make sure I have enough milk so I can breastfeed.

So today Evan started spitting up a lot after he ate today.  We had increased his Enfamil Gentlease dose in the bottle from 1 scoop of Enfamil to 2 scoops of Similac Sensitive to 2 scoops of Enfamil to 1 scoop of Similac Sensitive yesterday.  He seemed fine yesterday but today I needed a towel to feed him.  Then he was fussy after for a bit.  So we're back on Similac Sensitive.  WIC won't cover that either, but I'll call tomorrow anyways and see if I got a doctors note saying that is the only formula he does good on and if they'd have to give it to him too.  But I'm not optimistic.  I was reading the states approved formula and they listed all the formula they do, even ones prescribed by docotors and it wasn't on there.  I refuse to do a Soy formula since I'm so allergic to soy and I don't want him to have that allergy or risk it being triggered.

Honestly, Similac smells so much better.  Enfamil smelled so gross.

So I went into WIC today and am all signed up.  We almost didn't qualify because of our BAH (basic allowance for housing).  But since they don't count that we did qualify that.  I don't get any dairy options since I'm allergic to that.  Too bad because Joe eats it.  But they say the food is only for the mom.  But he's more than welcome to eat some.  I doubt I can eat 36 ounces of cereal in a month, but then again you never know...I could.  I don't think he's a Kix fan though, that's  the only gluten free cereal offered.  Also, when I make beans or whatever he eats it too.

I decided to give Enfamil Gentlease a chance.  I know it has some lactose in it, but it's free and maybe it will work.  They won't give give me similac sensitive, even if it was prescribed by a doctor.  So I'll try it out on him and see.  I feel so bad for considering doing this.  Especially after seeing how he did on Goodstart.  But that had full lactose in it, this only has 30 percent.   If it doesn't work at least I know what to look for (rash on face and major spitup) and I'll have a full canister of Similac Sensitive available to switch him back to in know time.  I'm actually afraid to try it, but if it works it will save a ton of money.

This morning, Evan saved Joe by waking up after what I guess was a bad dream.  I was putting him back down and looked at Joe's alarm clock and it said 6:45.  It was dark for that time, but I woke him up anyways and pointed it out.  But we discovered it was only 1:45.  If it had been 6:45 he would have been really late for work and would have gotten in trouble.  So Evan saved him!

Otherwise things are going good.  I've decided to go back to CA when Joe deploys so that I have family and help.  I can also work a couple days a week towards my license if I want.  I'm glad I made the decision.  I was talking with a friend and her mother in law is coming to stay with them during her husbands deployment.  She said she couldn't do it otherwise.  

Well I'm going to eat lunch now!

My household items have all arrived and it seems like so much, but it isn't.  Really, it barely covers 3 bedrooms, however I hate unpacking with a passion.  And here I am in the army life and for all I know I'll be moving again in a few years.  I think I'll continue to live with the bare minimum just to make it easier.  But I'm determined to take it 1 box at a time starting tomorrow.  I've unpacked a few today, but didn't do too much.  Everything is everywhere.  They packed the stuff sort of weird.  Like right now, I can't find the swing seat and the plug so I can't put Evan in it yet.  It's somewhere though....  I found the directions for how to put the bed together though!  Hopefully Joe will do that tomorrow, he's working a 24 hours shift today.  Then I'll ask him ever so politely with a hint of flirtiness to please move all the boxes from the garage to the dumpster some weekend soon.  He's working a long week so I'll probably ask him to do it in 2 weeks.  I bet I'll have everything unpacked by the end of the week.  If Evan lets me that is.

Evan has become such a fussy baby lately.  I think he's going through a growth spurt because he's eating and sleeping more again.  Today he actually took 2 solid 3  to 4 hours naps.  The last few weeks he only slept 2 hours for his naps.  He's now eating 6 ounces too, before it was only 5.  What's really annoying though, is that when I feed him he'll be really good until I burp him.  Then when it's time for him to eat again after the burp he'll just fuss and fuss and fuss, it's like he doesn't know the bottle is in his mouth.  But when I put the pacifier in there, he's good until he realizes no food is coming out of the pacifier.  So we go back and forth between the bottle and the pacifier until he finally starts eating again.  I swear, if there were a bottle with a pacifier shaped nipple, he'd be the happiest baby ever.  Maybe he has nipple confusion, if so, that was a late onset.  He's 2 months and was fine in the past.  Maybe he's just that hungry though.  Also, what I noticed is  that he starts to fall asleep while eating and he hates that.  Even before his naps he'll just fuss because he doesn't want to sleep, then falls asleep and takes that long nap.  I hate growth spurts, they create cranky babies.

Anyways, despite what the icon is hinting at, I do love being a mom.  But when I'm tired I sometimes feel that way (those on facebook will be unable to see icon, here's my website http://bluepolarbear.livejournal.com/).  I love spending time with him and actually find his fussiness funny at times.  He has a cute fussy face!  I'll have to take a picture of it sometime.  I want to stay at home with him and am thinking of trying for another one in a year.  So yeah, despite everything and how hard it is to unpack with him around, I love him very dearly and this strange fussy  phase will pass sooner than later.  Maybe he'd do better with a silicon nipple...perhaps I will try the Dr. Browns wide neck bottle when I'm done packing on him again and see how he does.  We have the latex nipple that came with the sample playtex drop in bottles.  So yeah, that's it!

We finally have internet here.  I am so glad.  It's not like I have much to do around here either since my car is still in Cali and if I wanted to use Joe's car I'd have to drive him to work at 6 in the morning and then pick him up whenever his day ends (it varies a lot).  I hope to have my car here someday soon.  In the mean time I've gotten to know Joe's old battle buddies wife and she has a 1.5 year old and offered to give me a ride to the Commissary on days she goes or any other place I may need to go, which is really nice.  Joe might also get a 3 day weekend coming up here shortly and that will be nice too. 

Watertown seems nice, small and lots of stop lights for such a small town too.  It feels like it takes forever just to get across town, especially when Evan is crying.  Redlands did not have this many stop lights, I swear.  It had some, but not like this.  The weather is cool and humid and I love how soft the water is.  It tastes good without a filter too.  Our apartment is pretty nice too.  We live upstaires so no hearing the people above us like we did in the last apartment.  It has 3 rooms, a kitchen, dining room, and a living room plus 2 bathrooms. 

Evan seems to be adjusting fine.  He's back to his old sleep schedule of going to bed at 7:30 and waking up once to eat around 4, then back down again.  He smiles at Joe a ton, just won't eat for him.  I guess it's because he's so busy staring at him.  So I end up feeding him because he only eats about 2 ounces with Joe, he normally eats between 4 to 5 ounces.  I need to get him more socks though, his 0-3 sized ones are too small so I'm going to get 6-9 so that he has room to grow into them.  He won't sleep in the borrowed pack-n-play so he sleeps on the couch during the day and in our bed at night (like always).  But he's now become a little scooter.  If he's not close to me, he will somehow move himself right next to me at night.  Then if I move him so I have room, he'll be back in no time.  It's becoming very clear that he's a mama's boy (LOL!).  There are times that Joe is holding him, he'll do great at first smiling and all, but after a bit he'll fuss until he's given to me.

The trip was long, so so long.  Evan did great, really really great and didn't get fussy until we got to the ride home.  He was tired, I was tired, and yeah, it was so long.  I think I was irritable before he was.  I wanted to slap every flight attendent that said I had to take Evan out of his carrier when we took off or landed.  I don't have any idea as to why the baby needs to be removed from the carrier, in fact I think it would be safer because it acts like a seat belt.  But no, I had to pull him out 2 times (1 on take off with one flight, the other on another flight while landing) while he was sleeping.  On one flight I acted like I was asleep so they didn't tell me to remove him on landing.  It was so inconsistent though, which is what is so annoying.  My first flight no one bothered me about it at all.  Then on the last one it was while we were taking off I was told to take him out.  I had him in there for landing and no one said a thing.  Yeah, anyways, that's my vent about the flights, they just never seemed to end.

Otherwise, not much else I can think of right now.  I am going to go eat lunch now... I'll post more later.  I'm just so happy to be with Joe again!

The movers get here next Tuesday and then I fly out on Wednesday!  What's really nice is that they army paid for all the travel and moving expenses.  I can't wait.  Only I won't get to see Joe right away because he'll be at a 3 day Field Training and will be getting back on Friday.  There's a chance that he'll be allowed to pick me though, I hope he does!  If not, he has arranged with a friend to pick me up.  Apparently the movers have a date of October 7 to have the stuff at our place, but they'll most likely be early.  I'm glad about that.  Although, Joe got the stuff we needed from the Lending Closet, like a Portable Crib.  Evan sleeps in a crib for nap, and in our bed at night.  Then he also got some cookware, China, and Silverware.  He also picked up the Baby Bundle Package today!  I wanted to know what size the diapers were, but he hadn't opened it yet.  I know Newborn sizes won't fit at all.  He wears size 1.  I guess I'll find out when I get out there.  Evan is in cloth full time now though.  Only he'll be in disposables on the 15th so I can wash the cloth and pack them.  Then when we get out to NY he'll be put back in cloth.  I already ordered a hanging wet bag for them too so that way I have a place to  but them when wet and dirty.  

We use the Gro-baby diapers.  I have some doubts as to whether or not they'll fit when he's 20+ pounds, but a lot of moms have said they do.  They are trimmer than other one size cloth diapers too.  But the upside of the excess bulk is that his non-overall pants will now fit!  Before they just fell off.  There's a picture of him below in his lovely green ones!  We have them in green and orange and there are enough to only have to wash every other day.  I wouldn't want to go longer because then they just smell and there's more in the wash then and it would take awhile to dry.  They have a purple and white shells and I've considered getting the white one.  I heard they also will be coming out with other designs in September, but so far there aren't any.  Personally Green and Orange are pretty good colors, white is just boring sometimes.  If we have a girl next I'd consider getting purple.  Oh, and his 0-3 onesies still fit!  I thought they wouldn't.  But he also fits his 6 and 9 month onesies with them on. 

( Fluffy Butt Picture! )

I got to hang out with a friend of mine who has 2 boys and it's so nice to have a friend with kids near me.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my friends, even if they don't have kids.  But talking with one who does have kids is just nice.  We talk about kid related topics and I also got a whole bunch of second hand clothing in 12+ months from him.  Included in that stack was also 2 warm winter outfits that will fit him well.  We also got a warm car seat cover with room for his head to peak out so he will be a toasty baby in the car when it hits winter.   I'm glad about that.  There was also a snow hat and mittens in the stack!  In total now, I have 3 snow suits that go up to 9 months, although the 0-3 and 3-6 seem like they are larger in size so they should fit for awhile.  We also have one thick jacket and pants.  1 pair of large mittens, although the snow suits have them included on them, and a car seat cover.  We also got 3 pairs of toddler shoes!  I'm so grateful for the hand me downs that included lots of pants and shirts.

Otherwise, what else...Things are going well for me.  I really can't wait to see my husband again.  I've had some sleepless nighs lately, but I'm not sure if it's weather or a combination of stress over packing and excitement.  I really hope he's not deployed until the end January.  He thinks it would be good if I return to California in January after he deploys, but I told him I want to try and stick it out since it won't be the only time he's deployed.  I do know though that I will be coming out in May for several months.   I'll also be out for a week in November.

Anyways, here's a picture of Evan smiling!  He was smiling really big before I took the picture so it's a bit of a faded smile, but still adorable!  Oh, he said Dada once!  I highly doubt he knew what it meant, but still, I can now say he said his first word at 8 weeks!

( His Smile )

I'm moving next week.  I can't believe it.  But since Joe already found a place they won't give him the 9 day TDY leave.  But instead will send movers to pack everything and move it over while I'll fly out on Wednesday I think, or Tuesday or Thursday, one of those days.  I'm actually rather nervous about this but excited too.  My car will stay behind for a bit until someone drives it out for me.  I love that car.  After all, I bought it.  

In some ways I'm glad it worked out like this.  I was really not looking forward to the long drive with Evan.  However, now we can't go visit his family.  It has its up and downs.  I can't wait to see Joe though.  I wish he'd push for his paternity leave though.  But he thinks that since they won't give him 9 days off to move they won't give him toe 10 day paternity leave.  I really despise the army at times.

I just feel like blogging right now.  I can't seem to get into the book I'm reading right now, Blue Moon.  I may start a different one instead.  I bough Impossible, it seems like a really good book.  I got it yesterday with some cash I had.  Blue Moon is the sequel to Evermore, a pretty decent book.  I twist on immortality in that it doesn't involve vampires but alchemy instead.  I won't spoil it for others though.  It's a good light read though!  I just feel like reading a more deep book at this time.

It turns out that Similac Sensitive contains corn syrup and sucrose and those are the first two listed ingredients  (I was staring at the ingredients one day).  I thought that was strange and decided to switch him to Good Start Gentle Plus since that doesn't have that in it.  Enfamil Gentle Ease didn't have the sucrose, but did have the corn syrup.  So far he is doing good on the Good Start and hasn't had any complaints or bottle refusals.  I'm happy about that.  I suppose no formula is ideal, so to speak, and that you have to "choose your poison."  So I might as wise choose the "poison" that has no corn syrup or sucrose in it.  For all the formula hate out there, people really should consider the fact that when it comes down to it, there really is no difference between those who are and aren't formula fed.  I still remember the mom that said her husband was breastfed and had tons of allergies and she was bottle fed and had no allergies.

Evan is becoming really talkative lately!  He loves to say Ah, Gah, and a variety of other constants strung together.  Yesterday when I took him out of the bath he looked at me and said "Ah" really loud, like he was a little upset about it ending.  Then when I was dressing him, he said "Gah" really loudly, then a few seconds later started to cry.  I've come to realize that Gah is his precursor to crying.  I know when he's crying and upset, gah is always involved.  Not so much with Ah.  Nah is usually his I want to suck on something sound.  I used to just be his hungry cry, but has developed into hungry, I want my paci, I want to be held, I'm tired, I'm wet, etc.  It's frustrating decoding that cry.  But usually if he's fed it's paci, out side of that it's just experimenting on getting his need met.

He is smiling some and I really want to catch it on film, but it's hard to.  It comes at some of the strangest moments.  Like when he's over my shoulder on the couch and staring at the back of it.  He gets so excited sometimes I wonder what he sees in the material.  Or when he's having play time on the floor.  He does smile at me too, but I don't always have the camera. 

Joe finished his Field Training today!  I haven't talked to him yet, but the FRG lady at the base called and read the script about the couple return dates.  I really really hope he calls and says he can be out here by next week.  I miss him quite a bit and really want him and Evan to spend time together.  I know it will be lonely out in New York since I have no family or friends out there, but I'm expecting to meet people.  He will be working really late too...I don't know what to expect.  But I'm sure I'm going to be having long and lonely days sometimes. 

Sometimes I start to brielfely wonder about parenting alone come January when Joe leaves.  As it is, it's hard for me to get a break in without my parents helping.  I know Evan will be much older and well into his 6 months.  But it's not like he won't need my constant supervision and need to be held.   I know he also may not be sleeping through the night like he does now.  It will also be the dead of winter there and it really snows out there.  My dad tells me I should come stay here, but then who would take care of my plants at the apartment? I don't know about leaving it unattended until I return towards the end of August/beginning of September.  But when I do start to think about it, I just tell myself I'll make the decision when the time comes.  I mean really, I'm positive I can parent alone and maintain my sanity at the same time!  I may have days of insanity, but come night, if I can get at least 4 hours in a row I'm sure I'll be fine.

Ouside of that, not much else.  Working on staying positive about the future and just taking it day by day.  

Things have been going pretty well for me.  I realized that this coming week will be the last week of Field Training for Joe and I can't wait to talk to him again.  I don't think he brought his cell phone and I bet he's been so busy he hasn't had a chance to call.  He had lost his wedding band several weeks ago and I finally replaced it with a different one that can be re-sized if needed.  He said his previous was too big after all the training, but I couldn't remember what size it was and he apparently forgot to stop by a jewelery store to size his ring finger so I just got him a 10 and the jeweler was really nice and said she would be able to size it down or up before we left for New York if needed.  It's a nice ring and I made it clear to him that he could not wear it while physically training at work on a text message.  I then mentioned that we could get him a cheap ring to wear while out there.  I do hope I get to hear from Joe really soon.  I miss him a lot and can't wait to be with him again.

Just recently I found out I can tolerate goat milk products!  I'm thrilled about that as I would like a good source of calcium and even some fat.  Right, who would ever say they would like some extra fat in their diet?  Well I do, especially since I have such a restricted diet.  I do find the taste a bit strange, but I'm sure I'll get used to it much like I did with rice milk products.  My dad said he was going to buy some lactose free milk for me and I could see if I was ok with it.  For some reason I doubt it though because when I had lactose intolerance I reacted in my stomach.  But after going Gluten Free the lactose intolerance cleared, but I would still have sinus problems after I ate dairy.  So I do think it's an allergy to dairy from cows, but I'll give it a chance.  I won't know unless I try.

In the parenting arena, Evan has made it very clear he prefers the playtex drop in bottles over Dr. Browns after our week long camping trip of only Playtex bottles.  I think it's because the nipple on it isn't silicone and it is more skin like and wide.  Also, the air in the drop in bottles gets pushed out.  I wasn't too thrilled about that because the drop ins cost money.  But I was at Target yesterday I saw that they had an off brand of the playtex drop ins for only 5.75.  I thought the count was 50 like the playtex ones, but it's 100!  That is such a deal and they are the same as the playtex brand that runs around 7.97 for only 50.  The only thing is they aren't the expandel 10 ounce version, but I didn't like those anyways.  I highly doubt I'll ever feed Evan 10 ounces at once.  The other preferance he has made clear is that he likes the Nuk pacifiers over the other brand we had. 

Evan has also grown even more.  He now is almost out stretched of his 0-3 outfits.  The only thing is that he isn't wide enough for the pants in that range.  So while he's long, he's skinny.  I'm going to have to get him overalls to wear because in NY he'll need pants and the only pants that did fit waist wise was his newborn sized ones, but he's got longer legs than the pants have.  Next week I'll be going to Carter's to get some 3-6 and 6-9 overalls and sleepers.  I'm also going to go through a friends baby clothes and see if there are any I want (I'm sure there will be).

Today I was considering his formula (Similac Sensitive) and wondering if I should switch him to organic, but I don't know if I want to switch him when he's doing fine on this one.  I just want him to have the best and this current one has corn syrup as a carb.  I know that on the Similac Advanced Early Shield (no corn syrup) he started out fine, but after a week he was having a lot of gas problems, constipation, and would spit up a ton several hours after he ate.  I felt so bad for him.  Maybe when he gets older, like around 6 months, I'll switch him to it again. But yeah, if I switch him he will have to learn to digest something else and for all I know he'll have problems with it and we'll have to deal with a fussy baby wondering if it will pass after the 2 week initial adjustment period.  Typing this out and thinking about it more makes me say No.

There are so many things they say not to do and to do with babies, it's overwhelming and annoying.  Like the people that say don't put them to sleep on their belly.  Well that was the one position Evan slept the best in and so I put him down that way.  He has great head control and turns his head from side to side and lifts it pretty high, especially when searching for his paci at night.  Then they say not to bottle feed, not to co-sleep, not to cover them, not to hang toys from the carseat etc.  It's just insane.  Then you look at the playgrounds they are slowly tearing down due to "safety" issues.  I think they are going a little too far.  I have no doubt that some of the things they say not to do have helped like seat belts, helments, safer carseats, and safer cribs as well as safety settings on formula.  But I think some of those should be on an individual basis after they look at the child first. 

I mean really, what playground is fun without swings?  And remember teeter totters, I loved those things, especially pretending I'm surfing on them.  Sure there were a few accidents on them but I certianly never heard of anyone dying from it.  Oh, and merry go rounds!  I had fun on those.  Metal slides are personally the best slide out there too, you could go fast down those!  Those plastic slides are practically nothing and just produce static.  Evan is really going to miss out on those if they keep tearing down swings, slides, teeter totters, and you know I bet the next thing will be monkey bars because you could fall (rolls eyes).  I fear the day that recess may only consist of walking in laps because anything more excessive could lead to a cut.  But wait, even walking can lead to an injury.  Maybe we should all live in boxes and never move.  I suppose I should end my rant.  

Anyways, that's about it.  It's getting late and I should go to bed.  Evan decided that last night would be the night he wakes up every 4 hours.  I hope he doesn't do that tonight.  I really liked him sleeping up to 6 hours.  

That is what Evan would have said today. He only took a broken 1.5 or maybe even it got up to 2 hour nap today. He would start to fall asleep, then wake himself up. He only now just went down. He was so tired he didn't even finish his bottle. On the upside, the cranky crying subsided during his bath that took place shortly before he finally went to sleep.

I got so tired of him though today. He would fuss and fuss and fuss, calm down and stare, sleep briefly, then rouse himself or wake moments after being placed down. But it seems like he'll stay down for quite awhile now. My wrist actually hurts some from all the back and butt patting I've done today. I'm thinking this means he'll sleep a good 6 to 7 hours tonight before he wakes, he did that last night. I'm also guessing this means he now knows the difference between night and day. But who knows. He's sweet but a bit infuriating at the moment. I'm going to sleep in a shirt that I don't plan on wearing again and make sure it smells like me, then place it in Evan's crib so he'll have my scent when he goes down. Then hopefully he won't start to miss me moments after being placed down (crossing my fingers that it'll work).

Otherwise, I went to my cousins memorial today and wish I had known him better. It was sad. I still can't believe he's passed on. I'm sure God has a plan though. Maybe if he'd stayed alive longer he would have had a more painful death, like a prolonged one, or maybe he would have become paralyzed or something. I knew he had arthritis already, but maybe it would have been worse. Who knows. I wish I understood. But I know someday soon we'll all see him again and he'll be better, no knee pain or joint pain or anything else. He certainly touched a lot of lives in a positive way though.

This past week has been fun, but also incredibly sad.  I don't know exactly where to start, so I'll go in chronological order.

On Saturday we left for Colorado.  Evan did very good on his flight and only fussed a little.  The first part he got hungry so that helped, then it was all with the pacifier that kept him calm.  We visited my Grandma, who got to see her great grandson!  She was so surprised to see us she didn't quite catch that she was seeing her grandaughter and great grandson.  But when she saw us again on Thursday, she knew.  After that we started our drive to Fort Robinson Nebraska. 

Sunday was the day we arrived since we stayed in a hotel.  Evan also started sleeping through the night on Sunday.  He now sleeps 6 hours in a row!  I'm very happy about that.  He might wake up a little, but not to eat and usually falls back to sleep once the pacifier is in his mouth.  I swear he's addicted to that thing.  I love it and hate it all at once because if he's not sleeping heavy he wakes up the moment it falls out and starts to fuss.  Anyways, I met up with my cousin Jen and Aunt Juanita, Unclue Jim, Uncle Joe and Aunt Pat.  My Uncle Joe and Aunt Pat are further into their years so my Uncle Joe didn't really remember me.  My Aunt Pat did though (their married.  Juanita is my dad's sister and married to Jim)! 

After that day we spent our days together and just enjoyed seeing each other.  Evenings we'd eat together and then play games.  On Monday my Uncle Joe went into town for Dialasis and everyone but me and my Aunt Pat went.  Evan needed his naps and I just wanted to some time to read.  It was a very relaxing day and everyone got back in the evening.  Then on Tuesday we went to South Dakota to see the monuments and ride a train.  My dad and I also went and visted an old family friend from Tennessee since they were living close by.  We got back in the evening and again, played games!

Wednesday started out good.  My uncle had to go back in for dialisis and my Aunt Juanita and dad were going to go with him.  Jen and I had planned on going for a walk, watching a movie or 2, and play some games.  My dad and Aunt had just left not too long ago and Jen and I had gone to sit on the hamock and continue our talk.  That was when my Aunt Pat came out the camper and called Jen, she sounded so worried and just sad.  I then started to wonder what had happened and if our Juanita and my dad were Ok or if someone had been hospitalized.  Death never crossed my mind.  After a few moments I could hear her crying but I didn't really know what was going on.  Shortly after that she came and was barely able to say that Ben had died that morning in an accident. 

For those who don't know, Ben is her brother.  Our families were pretty close.  They lived 2 houses down from us from over 8 years.  We used to spend weekends together and holidays together.  Once I left for college it wasn't quite the same because we had grown up and we weren't spending as much time together, but we still saw everyone during the holidays.  Apparently Ben had just gotten off work that morning and he and a few collegues had decided to go off roading.  They had been driving pretty slow at the time and were going up a hill, but a freak accident happened.  The jeep rolled, Ben went out the window and got crushed.  He hadn't been wearing a seat belt.  My aunt is thinking that he must have gotten out to see something, then got back in and forgot to buckle up because he was normally very cautious and smart about that. 

I still can't believe it.  He was always off roading and dirt biking.  He had gotten into mutlitple accidents and the only thing to show was early onset of arthiritis, but I never thought he'd actually get killed, especially in some random freak accident like that.  Josh (their other brother) is trying to get out for the memorial that will be sometimes next week.  My aunt wants to have a party to celebrate his life.  I think that's what he would want.  He was always so happy and full of life, he wouldn't be the type to want a serious sad get together.   

So yeah, I'm still processing it.  I think it will be something that's always being processed.  I wasn't as close to him as I was to Jen, she was like a sister to me, but he was still family and I have lots of memories of him, like how much he loved cats, the time he dyed his hair black, wanting to set me up with a friend, and just spending the holidays and weekends together. 

We're still in Colorado at the moment and will be leaving tomorrow to return home.  Jen, Juanita, and Jim are already driving out there.  They'll probably be getting in around the time we do.

Anyways, I will end this after a strange up note.  A few nights ago I dreamt I was dating Matt Belamy (lead singer in Muse).  I was at some studio looking for him when I saw a news report on how Korea and China were setting off so many bombs around their area that the end of the world would follow due to the thick cloud coverage that would result of it.  I was watching the report wondering why they would bomb their own countries when the alarm went off to evacuate the building, which lead me to wonder why we would be sent outside when a thick cloud coverage would be coming soon.  I started to wander off and look for Matt.  I had a bit of trouble due to everyone running around and started callingo out his name.  I found him sometime after and we just walked off ignoring all the panick because we wanted to be alone and thought everyone was stupid to panic and run outside when it would be the smoke that kills us. 

Strange...very strange.  I don't even think he's that cute.  It's Dom (the drummer) that's cute.  But of course they don't stand a chance against my hubby Joe!